six possible reasons why i won't be attending nicole kidman's wedding this weekend
1. i wasn't invited
2. she may have heard i think she's overrated
3. or remembered that time in 1985 when i was selling theatre tickets and demanded to see her equity card even though i knew who she was
4. she's jealous of that time i went nightclubbing with naomi
5. even though i spent my teen years in australia's country music capital i've never heard of keith urban
6. i have nothing to wear
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